An Early Christmas Blessing
December 21, 2020
Category: Featured / Transformation
This year is my second year celebrating Christmas in Italy and the first in my own home.
Normally, I join the majority of people and go full speed shopping for gifts, decorating the house, hunting down the “best” tree I can find, baking tonnes, and being exhausted come Christmas day. This holiday season is completely different; both in my actions and my attitude.
As I write, light naturally begins to shine in this situation. A lot is different this year than years past. Circumstances are different; more than “COVID”. I have no plans or commitments. Outside of my boyfriend and a neighbor I really have no one to go shop for. My immediate family lives on another continent. Living in Liguria, my extended family in Italy are far away, in different regions, and unreachable due to COVID restrictions within Italy. Dating a native, there are Italian social mores and family norms to be respected. Bringing a girl home after dating a few months doesn’t happen often. Having said this, sensitive to the situation, my boyfriend gave me the first choice to decide between being together for Christmas and New Years'. I am spending Christmas alone. By choice. I immediately chose New Years', as I wanted to celebrate the “new beginning” of 2021 with him; and wonderful company. Furthermore, the Italian government has declared the entire country to be a red zone; resulting in me being confined to my home; and only being able to go outside for pure necessity- health and food from the 24-26th.
I am alone and confined to my home from December 24-December 26th.
In the past, this situation would freak me out. Not knowing or predicting what will happen or how I might respond to being physically alone on Christmas Day. I now know that there is nothing I can do (aka-me wanting to control) to ensure the day is perfect and without sadness or any other emotion.
My wanting to control situations, including this one used to provide a perception of “safety and security.” Being raised in a home where expressing emotions was frowned upon; we were taught to zipper shut our “emotions” and pretend everything was okay, even when we all knew it wasn’t. Looking back, I realize this was something my parents did so they didn't have to acknowledge and address painful situations, therefore avoiding the need to express and process pain, grief, and even sadness.
Evana's truth: Continuing to live this way doesn’t support me any longer. I honor my parents for doing the best they could to teach us the skills they knew and thought to be best to deal with “unknown and uncomfortable situations.” They applied what they learned in what they thought was best and I now choose a new path. The unknown and at times, emotionally uncomfortable path.
This is my Christmas blessing. An opportunity to experience this beautiful holiday in solitude.
I choose to believe there is a bigger reason I can even explain or rationalize to the circumstances I am celebrating the holidays this year. I step forward trusting the Universe has me covered and that I have the necessary tools and skillset, resources (loved ones and friends to call upon), and wisdom from previous experiences to access so I can handle whatever shows up.
I am strong and courageous. I am committed to living my life with an open heart; regardless of the circumstances that present themselves. Everything is happening for me. Thank you Universe - I receive your blessing humbly; I am open to receiving the wisdom from this experience to support my continued commitment to my spiritual awakening.
Release the past /
Embrace the unknown /